i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
