I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
