i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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