Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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