I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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