I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
