Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
