She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
