If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
