Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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