He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
