So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
