I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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