My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
