Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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