I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
