I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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