I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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