I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
