i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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