Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
