If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
