I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
