??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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