THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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