I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
