I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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