Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
