Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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