I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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