i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
