I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
