Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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