I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
