Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
