why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i came on her dog
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
