Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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