At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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