Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
