nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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