It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
