How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
