did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I would fuck him just for his dog
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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