When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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