I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
