Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
