Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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