Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
