come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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