When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
